Don't misuse the rod

There's always a lot of debate among parents whether the cane should be used on children.

As the proverb goes "Spare the rod, spoil the child".

In our family, we advocate the use of cane to discipline the children. We believe that since the Bible puts it plainly in Proverbs 13:24, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him", there is a place for the use of cane to discipline and correct a child.

Once at the paediatric centre while waiting for Deborah's turn to see the doctor, I saw a little boy, around the age of 1, slapped another child who was playing with a toy. The boy wanted to have the toy the child was playing with, so he went forward and slapped the child. The next moment, the boy's mother came from behind him, saw what had taken place, slapped the boy on his cheek and pulled him away. Before I could answer myself, I knew the answer at that moment, where the boy learned how to slap another person on the cheek -- from his own mother, apparently.

Children are great imitators. Our children follow everything we do. Deborah follows every word we say, and I do mean, even every careless word we speak. Even before the incident at the paediatric centre, I have make it one of my parenting values that I will never slap my children on the cheek as a form of discipline. You never know who they will slap on the cheeks when they are outside or at school. Don't even show them that this is an acceptable way of discipline.

On the other hand, the cane is different. Well, one might argue that the use of cane will give the child the idea that they can use any object to beat someone else. I do not intend to dwell on this contraversial issue, but what I have done is to prevent my children from playing with the rod or treating it as a toy. I will place the cane at a place where only the adults can reach. By so doing, it reinforce to the children that the cane is for discipline only, i.e. when they do something wrong, they know the cane will be used.

Yet many parents, including my own mother, fall victim to using the cane as a tool to lash out on their frustrations and anger. I remember when I was in primary school, my mom would use the cane on me when her patience ran out because I could not understand and solve the maths question or when I just simply couldn't memorise the idioms word for word.

A rule of thumb in disciplining children --- if we ever feel a sense of regret after using the cane on them, we have misused the rod.

The object of using the cane is to discipline and correct our children, to make them better people.

One key fruit of the Spirit that all parents must have is, the fruit of "self-control", not love. Some parents misused the rod and these children grow up into adults swearing that they will never use the cane on their own children, which is a great disfavour to the next generation.

The conclusion of the matter is clear: Spare the rod, spoil the child.. but don't misuse the rod!